Mom Peeve #15 Parents who forgot to dress their kids

Mom Peeve #15 Kids in public wearing pajamas...sometimes accompanied by parents also wearing pajamas.

Today I had the pleasure of visiting my local Bureau of Motor Vehicles branch with my children and documents to prove my identity for an id. Really exciting. The only thing I forgot was to bring my children decked out in pajamas. Apparently that is what you do in the afternoon on a trip to the BMV. I saw at least 7 children, spread over 4 families, ranging in age from baby to 7 year old all in full on pjs. Now I'm not trying to get all judgy or anything, but come on? 11:45 am in the winter, in public is an appropriate time to wear clothes I think. 

And these afternoon pajama wearing children pop up other places too: Walmart (no brainer), the grocery store, restaurants, even the mall. In general I think leaving the house should warrant a wardrobe change. Unless you are so stealth and put your whole family to bed in sweat suits that are unidentifiable as pajamas-you too mom-otherwise its time for a costume change.

Exceptions for children wearing pajamas in public:

1. Tiny babies up to age 3 months. Still not ideal.
2. Taking your kids to school very early accompanied by non-school age children straight to school, drop off, and straight back.
3. You need to leave for the airport at 3am so you scoop your children out of bed. You plan on changing them into clothes as soon as they are conscious.
4. Your house burns down, or a natural disaster hits and you must evacuate in the middle of the night.
5. You are attending some type of "wear your pajamas to ____" event. These annoy me still.
6. You or someone in your family must be rushed to the hospital while everyone is still in pajamas.

FULL DISCLOSURE:
I have been known to wear the same pair of yoga pants for 48 hours straight. During that time I typically went nowhere. And if happened to venture out, nobody knew about my secret record marathon pants wearing session because they were black pants.

Mom Peeve #7: Shut the F. up!

Mom Peeve #7: The mom that needs her mouth washed out with soap...

Shut the f*&% up! Harsh? Yes. I would never shout that at you let alone my kid. Admittedly, I have never actually heard a mother spout that exact phrase. However, "You're ass is grass!!!" does ring a bell. I feel like it was just yesterday that I was laying out by the pool while mullet mom shouted those beautiful rhyming words across the pool at her son. Not only was his ass about to be grass-quite a puzzling process-but his mother also instructed him to "shut [his] pie hole!" Classy and sassy.

I thought I'd bring things down a notch to a peeve I feel we can all-well at least 90% of us-agree upon: Cussing at kids. Some people do, in fact, cuss, swear, whatever you want to call it, AT their kids. These kids in turn go to school and teach your kids new and exciting words and phrases to expand vocabularies. Thanks Sailor mouth mom for that contribution to my kids education. Maybe you can teach my kids about sex in a crass and crude way as well.

Now I don't cuss at my kids in public or private because I am better than these people. Just kidding! Well, not really, but I don't cuss at my kids, because I find it rude, mean, inappropriate, harmful, and ignorant. I am betting that you agree with me, and also feel like you are better than sailor mouth mom-you are probably right. Just kidding, we are all moms rowing this mother f-ing boat together, or whatever...

Seriously, the public cussing needs to stop. The private cussing at your kids should probably stop too, but lets tackle one swear word at a time. I have a love-hate relationship with Walmart. Actually, its more like a mostly hate relationship due to its "black hole-like" qualities. There seems to be an above average amount of parental cussing that occurs in "Wally World," otherwise known as "What the F World," for some kids. "Get your ass back over here!"appears to be the most popular phrase, followed by some God Ds," "S*%$ bombs," and "What the hells." There's nothing like seeing a mom yelling at AND cussing out her 5 year old. Special, dysfunctional, and memorable.

There's really not much more to say besides shut the hell up Sailor mouth mom. Stop cussing at your kid! Its rude to your kids, its rude to me and my kids, and its rude to the English language. I am serious when I say, WTF. Give it a rest.

Mom Peeve #2: The kid that's a little bitch.

Mom Peeve #2: The kid that needs a good punch in the face, because he/she rubs your nerves raw.

Harsh? Not really. Every mom knows a kid that is a little bitch-boy or girl. 

You know, the kid that pushes your kid down when the moms are chatting it up.

The kid that sits at the top of the slide and blocks the other kids, but refuses to go down and yells when other kids try to go down ahead of him. 

The kid that trips over a twig and bursts into the most obnoxious wimp cry. 

The kid that steals the dolly out of your child’s arms. 

The kid that’s a brat, hoards toys, picks on other kids, and cries bloody murder when someone barely brushes up against him or her. 

The kid that’s loud with a grating voice that makes you want to shout, “Will someone shut that damn kid up!” 

He is the kid that you actually want to punch in the face-you actually enjoy pushing him away from your child. She is the kid you hope will not be at the gathering you are attending, and when she is there, you cuss in your head-or out loud. And when she magically does not appear to be at your shin-dig, you celebrate. Lastly, this kid comes with an annoying name most of the time. Do you know the kid I am talking about? If you can’t think of one, you might just be the proud owner of that kid. 

In that case, keep your kid away from my kid.

Peeve #1 Public Sicko

Mom Peeve #1: Bringing your sicko, snotty nosed coughing kids to optional mingling mom/child activities to cough on other children and rub snot all over well children, particularly my well children.

Fact: Kids get sick.
Fact: It sucks when your kids get sick.
Fact: It sucks when someone's EXTREMELY visible sicko kid gives your kid a headlock bear hug and coughs in your kid's face.

I KNOW kids get sick, believe me I KNOW. Mine were recently sick for what felt like an eternity with what felt like a month long pig flu, bird flu, and duck flu all combined. Sometimes you can't help it when your kids get sick. Snot, coughs, and fevers do not stop life. You can't help it when you absolutely have to run to Target for toilette paper, deodorant, and milk and you HAVE to bring along your snotty entourage.

Here's what you CAN help-bringing your snotty, nasty, dirty, coughing sicko kids to playdates. Recently I attended an informal, very optional, gathering of moms, children, and babies. On arriving I was greeted by the rattling cough of a smoker-oh wait, it just sounded like a smoker, it was actually a sick 3 year old girl with a runny nose, and an intense cough. "What the HELL?!" I thought. I steered by 3 year old away from the sick child her own age, and eyed the germ culprit. After a little chit chat, I glanced down to see my whimpering 1.5 year old in a headlock hug. The headlock hug was extra special because it came complete with germs, a dirty child her same age, a green snotty nose, and special love cough right in my once well child's face. I wanted to toss this sweet little sicko child to the side and announce that her mother officially sucked and should get ready to get her ass kicked if my kid got sick after that little display. Instead I gently nudged little Nasty away, and scooped up my baby for detox. What was Sicko Mom's response, "Oh, she just loves babies." "Yeah she must also love WWF based on that headlock, what the hell lady!" is what I really wanted to shout in place of my fake half ass smile. After 2 more attempted hulk hugs by the sickest child I have seen in public in a while, I was ready to bolt. Thankfully, Sicko Mom read my mind-well, not really-and headed out with her peeps.

And so I say this lovingly as one mom to another...seriously, get you shit together moms. Do not unnecessarily expose the entire well population of your town to your child's germs. And if you do need to make that emergency store run in the midst of hacking and snotty children; at least try to disguise them as healthy, give them candy so they won't cough, keep your distance, your eyes down, and bust your ass to get in and out of that Target.