Mom Peeve #9: The mom who refuses to trim her garden...and takes it to the public pool.
Deforestation is greatly needed at the public pool. No, I am not talking about the rainforests and I am not suggesting we cut down all the trees surrounding the public pool. I am talking personal hygiene here people. I am talking "deforesting" your body, particularly the regions of your body that might require a sensor bar due to a lack of grooming on your part.
I am sorry to be harping on the public pool again. Actually, I am not harping on the pool, you see the public pool and me, we're all good. The people AT the pool, in public, we are not so good. Let's get right to it. I'm at the public pool yesterday and a mom sits down next to me, and not just any mom. This mom looked as if she had not shaved her legs since 1973, and in the meantime, sprinkled miracle grow on those legs for maximum hair growth. Dark black hairy legs, hairier than any man's at the pool that day, possibly Guinness Book worthy. I immediately turned away in horror, but took a double take, and triple take, and so on.
I am by no means the shave police. I don't shave my legs every singe day, and sometimes a full week goes by in between shaves-gasp! I'm not about to issue any tickets or blow my life guard whistle from back in the day for minor shave infractions. Now I know you might be thinking, "Who cares? Some women don't shave their legs, whatever." Ok, I will give you that. I would prefer women in bathing suits not look like they are wearing velcro legwarmers, but some people like a little static electricity when they enter the pool. If that's where this story ended I would end my rant.
Oh, but the rant goes on. The situation at hand, not exactly a minor infraction. For when the Velcro Violator stood up, she looked like she had the Amazon Rainforest growing from...well I think you know what I am getting at...down under, in her Australia. OK, now I have a major problem, because a minor deforestation-or lack of deforestation issue, now turned into a grooming/hygiene issue.
Now I don't want to beat a dead horse here, or wave electric razors or hedge trimmers around wildly. I'll just leave you with this reminder: Nobody wants to see anybody with a very hairy Australia at the pool.
Showing posts with label grose. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grose. Show all posts
Jun 26, 2009
Mom Peeve #8: PS-The public pool is PUBLIC!
Mom Peeve #8: Puking at the pool is not ok. Getting back into the pool after puking, is a crime punishable by banishment from all community pools forever!
Floating bandaids, hair, and unidentified objects are a MUST in every public pool. I mean, what do you expect when you get a random assortment of members of a community, take off most of their clothes, revealing more skin than you ever desired to see on many individuals, and throw them in a big bowel of water together?
The public pool is a fascinating beast. Everyone knows kids pee in the public pool. You like to live in denial and tell yourself the chlorine automatically zaps pee and annihilates it. Let's just keep believing that. Occasionally you see a kid with nachos on his face come barreling into the pool. Gross. Or you witness the sweatiest, hairiest dad of the day lunge into the pool, thus rinsing off and feeling quite refreshed, while you are left feeling quite the opposite. I confess I rarely rinse off before I get in the pool. Even though everyone in the universe knows you are supposed to take a "full shower" before you immerse your body into the community summer sanctuary, I think approximately 1% of pool goers actually abide by this unenforced rule.
So here's the thing, I get that the public pool is the water "melting pot" of the town. The public pool takes "community" to the max. However, there are some limits you must acknowledge as a US citizen and community pool participant. Seriously, your citizenship and pool membership should be revoked if you do not abide by certain unspoken rules.
I did not envision myself "peeving" this particular post, but today's public pool experience presented a necessity for just this post. Today, at approximately 12:45 pm, a very large woman, threw up a very large quantity of puke, covering a very large quantity of space-including a patch of the cement roughly 15 ft from the pool's edge, a flower bush, my friend's foot, and part of her daughter's foot. Sick. Sadly, I did not actually witness this public etiquette violation, as it was relayed to me by my friend, the "puked on" victim. Disgusting? Yes. Unfortunate? Yes. An accident? Yes. While being grossed out, I sympathized for the unfortunate Puker. However, my sympathy immediately vanished as the Public Puker waded herself right back into the pool! This I witnessed, first hand. In disbelief and confusion I stared at this woman hoping she would receive my message via ESP requesting her to evacuate. She did not get the message.
I felt violated. I felt like screaming, "VIOLATION! VIOLATION!" This is NOT OK public pool etiquette. If you puke in public, at the pool, on people please refrain from resuming any and all pool activities. If you feel this request to be unreasonable you can take it up with me via email or we can take it outside.
Floating bandaids, hair, and unidentified objects are a MUST in every public pool. I mean, what do you expect when you get a random assortment of members of a community, take off most of their clothes, revealing more skin than you ever desired to see on many individuals, and throw them in a big bowel of water together?
The public pool is a fascinating beast. Everyone knows kids pee in the public pool. You like to live in denial and tell yourself the chlorine automatically zaps pee and annihilates it. Let's just keep believing that. Occasionally you see a kid with nachos on his face come barreling into the pool. Gross. Or you witness the sweatiest, hairiest dad of the day lunge into the pool, thus rinsing off and feeling quite refreshed, while you are left feeling quite the opposite. I confess I rarely rinse off before I get in the pool. Even though everyone in the universe knows you are supposed to take a "full shower" before you immerse your body into the community summer sanctuary, I think approximately 1% of pool goers actually abide by this unenforced rule.
So here's the thing, I get that the public pool is the water "melting pot" of the town. The public pool takes "community" to the max. However, there are some limits you must acknowledge as a US citizen and community pool participant. Seriously, your citizenship and pool membership should be revoked if you do not abide by certain unspoken rules.
I did not envision myself "peeving" this particular post, but today's public pool experience presented a necessity for just this post. Today, at approximately 12:45 pm, a very large woman, threw up a very large quantity of puke, covering a very large quantity of space-including a patch of the cement roughly 15 ft from the pool's edge, a flower bush, my friend's foot, and part of her daughter's foot. Sick. Sadly, I did not actually witness this public etiquette violation, as it was relayed to me by my friend, the "puked on" victim. Disgusting? Yes. Unfortunate? Yes. An accident? Yes. While being grossed out, I sympathized for the unfortunate Puker. However, my sympathy immediately vanished as the Public Puker waded herself right back into the pool! This I witnessed, first hand. In disbelief and confusion I stared at this woman hoping she would receive my message via ESP requesting her to evacuate. She did not get the message.
I felt violated. I felt like screaming, "VIOLATION! VIOLATION!" This is NOT OK public pool etiquette. If you puke in public, at the pool, on people please refrain from resuming any and all pool activities. If you feel this request to be unreasonable you can take it up with me via email or we can take it outside.
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