Mom Peeve #6: STOP asking.

Mom Peeve #6: The epidemic that has spread throughout the country where every person and his or her mother (literally) think it is their right as a humans and US citizens to inappropriately ask if you are PREGNANT.

Apparently pregnancy is the answer, reason, excuse, and explanation for everything. If you eat an interesting food combination that others completely find repulsing you hear it, "Are you PREGNANT?" If you feel bitchy or emotional or tired you hear it, "Are YOU pregnant?" If you scratch your belly or cough funny you hear it, "ARE YOU PREGNANT!" You greet your friend with "Hi," instead of your usual, "hello," and you must be pregnant. Seriously, what other explanation could there be for liking chocolate covered bacon? You MUST be pregnant! There is nothing more annoying than being asked this question when you are NOT pregnant. And there is also nothing more annoying, than being asked this question when you ARE pregnant!

The, "ARE YOU PREGNANT?" epidemic crosses conversational boundaries and shows poor Q and A etiquette. It might actually be on the "top 10" list of most inappropriate questions asked by human beings. Now I know some people might be thinking, "What is wrong with that question? Its harmless?" You're right, asking about someone's possible procreation is probably not harmful-just a headache, a pain in the ass, annoying, frustrating and stupid.

Harsh? NO. You see, that litte "+" sign on the prego test, evokes a realm of emotions, mostly good, manic, happy, crazy emotions; but sometimes not such enthusiastic emotions. Regardless of the evoked emotions, the new Prego will make her grand announcement to the world when she so chooses. She may announce it to every single person she meets, literally 5 mins after that little "+" sign appears. She may use a blow horn, or bounce into every room she enters announcing the news in a song. Or, she may choose to wait a bit. She may feel cautious and want to take time. She may decide she wants to chill and let it all sink in. She might just want to wait before she makes her grand proclamation for a wide range or reasons (use your imagination).

So back off! If you didn't hear it through the grapevine or see "baby on board" on her t shirt, or hear the words come out of her mouth, then she's probably NOT pregnant-or she does not really want you to know. Either way, don't ask.

Now if we are talking your BFF, or your sister, or whoever that you have VIP status with, these rules do not apply to you. Of course VIP status provides an exception to the rule because VIPS have no rules! However, lowly acquaintances, surface level friends, mid level friends, mere citizens, illegal aliens, co-workers, and strangers must abide by the rules.

And NO, I am NOT pregnant.