Mom Peeve #5: What happened to the bad and the ugly?

When fellow moms only talk about the good. Can we get a little more bad and ugly please?

As you know by now, I like to reference my time spent in "Pregnancy I and II." I entered the hospital two separate times as a prego and walked out a new mommy. I took two tiny bundles of cuteness home, with perfectly shaped heads, wearing adorable "going home" outfits. But before leaving the hospital, I learned new and exciting things. I learned about disposable underwear. I used the largest maxi pads ever created. I put ice packs in places I never knew icepacks could go. I developed a new definition for "frontal flashing" while nurses checked out the "situation" down below. I learned that when your "milk comes in," it does not do so calmly and quietly. It breaks down the door of those milk ducts and says, "Here I am bitches!" I got a glimpse at a life with breast implants the size of regulation size footballs. All these delightful lessons made up my initiation into "motherhood" and saluted me in my first 48 hours as a new mom. I don't recall any of those delightful lessons being referenced before I entered the hospital by the seasoned mom community. Instead it was something like, "Just wait until you see your baby's face for the first time!" Yea, that was great and all...it was amazing to see my baby's face for the first time...but could I have gotten a little more heads up on the rest ladies?


During time spent in the "Pregnancy I," I heard over and over again, "You are going to just LOVE being a mom!" I don't recall hearing, "You are just going to LOVE the ice packs they give you in the hospital for your crotch!" In all seriousness, I did love the crotch packs.


Of course I love being a mom. But can we get real for a second here ladies? I love talking about the real deal of pregnancy, motherhood, and kids. I love talking about the insanity of childbirth-particularly my insanity, the things that suck, annoying stuff, the crazy, messy, chaos of being a mom.


I am intrigued that every woman who is the proud owner of children has most likely birthed some babies, experienced actual childbirth, and spent many nights entirely sleep deprived and crazy. Yet there are moms walking amongst other moms feeling alone, guilty, beat up, like they are the only ones who aren't thrilled about sleeping in 3 hour segments with a newborn, like they are the only ones with a newborn that's pissed to be out of the womb, like they are the only one with a house that gets trashed, or the only ones wearing yoga pants all day, everyday. I am here to tell you that I love being a mom. But I HATED waking up every three hours to feed my adorable baby. My baby number 2 was pissed at the world for a good 4.5 months and that sucked. My children have the ability to trash the living room faster than an actual tornado. And I proudly wear a large collection of yoga pants most days.


Bottom line: Let's get a little more real here. Everybody knows that babies are cute, there's no love like the love you feel for your children, childbirth is a miracle, and that you are going to just LOVE being a mom. Not everyone knows about the disposable panties, what happens when a baby goes #2 for the first time in the hospital, how insane you will be feeling during the sleep deprivation months, and how nursing takes some practice.

For real.