Most moms will come into contact with the book, What to Expect when You're Expecting. There are a series of the these books for what to expect the first year, second year, etc. But there's NOT a book about what everyone else expects of YOU. I thought I'd take a moment to share 10 of these expectations:
- Expect that people will tell you, "You look so gorgeous!" In you hospital photos minutes after a baby came out of your body. While this is sweet, you and I both know you look like a hot mess.
- Expect that people will tell you your baby is gorgeous in photos that were taken minutes after your baby came out of your body. While this is also sweet and you love your baby, you and I both know he looks like a cross between a pug and an old person at the moment.
- Expect that people will ask you many times over, "How are you feeling?" Well, a baby just literally dove out of my body so...
- Expect that people will ask, "Is he/she sleeping through the night?" two weeks after you are home. Expect that you might want to respond, "No you idiot, she's not. Thanks for reminding me how little sleep I am getting."
- Expect that some people will say, "You look tired." Uh, yeah. That's because I AM tired. I sleep in 3 hour stretches. Thanks! Captain Obvious.
- Expect that people may want to bring you meals. While this definitely can be a wonderful thing, expect that you might eat the best lasagna of your life, and the worst lasagna of your life, and that you will eat lasagna at least 3 times.
- Expect that old ladies you don't know will touch your babies hand, and even be so ballsy as to kiss your baby when you are in public. Be on guard for the granny swoop in.
- Expect that at least one person will ask when you are due...while you are holding your 3 month old baby. To which you will reply, "Well, I was due 3 months ago, and here's the baby that came out."
- Expect that lots of people will ask you when you're out and about, "Awe. How old is he?" To which you will reply the age, to which they will blankly stare at you and then the awkward moment will end. Its like people have the internal need to ask how old babies and puppies are and that's it.
- And now my absolute favorite: Expect that people will want to know if and when you will be "expecting" in the future. Expect that people will want to know if you will be having more children literally hours after you expanded your family. Expect that this question will come in a variety of flavors:
"So you guys think you're gonna try for a boy?"
"Now you have 2 boys and a girl, are you gonna try for one more to make them even?"
"So do you think you guys are done?"
"Are you guys gonna keep going?"
"So do you think you'll have another?"
Seriously people. SERIOUSLY. I have been asked this question on more than one occasion. Uh, I'd like to at least let my uterus contract back to a normal size first if that's ok with you. With my last child I remember being asked when she was just a week old if we were gonna "try for one more." Hehehe! No idiot! We are not going to "try for one more" right now, do you see the tiny newborn in my hands? I think I'm set for a while.
I always wonder what people would say if I simply replied, "Well to be quite frank, my lady parts are on fire right now, I'm not looking to land anything in there any time soon. And after I do get accustomed to this new sleep deprivation and my lady parts are healed, and I'm back in the saddle, I don't even know when I'll start ovulating again. I'll be sure to let you know when my menstrual cycle returns and if I decide if I want to intentionally try to get pregnant when my husband and I have intercourse. Hope that's thorough enough for you. Thanks for asking.
I always wonder what people would say if I simply replied, "Well to be quite frank, my lady parts are on fire right now, I'm not looking to land anything in there any time soon. And after I do get accustomed to this new sleep deprivation and my lady parts are healed, and I'm back in the saddle, I don't even know when I'll start ovulating again. I'll be sure to let you know when my menstrual cycle returns and if I decide if I want to intentionally try to get pregnant when my husband and I have intercourse. Hope that's thorough enough for you. Thanks for asking.
